Second, First Trimester

I'M PREGNANT. Who knows when I will post this! I have no definitive plans regarding the announcement of this pregnancy to our family and friends, though a few people are in the loop (Kirstin, Lindsey, Brad...). This post may not see the light of day for a while, but I am going to start writing it anyway.

I am 10 weeks pregnant as I begin this post. My second pregnancy has been very similar to Ezra's so far, but with everything a bit more exaggerated, as tends to happen with subsequent pregnancies. With Ezra my first semester brought extreme exhaustion, extreme thirst, and some food aversion. I didn't eat meat for that first trimester, for example. I couldn't get enough water to satiate my thirst. I couldn't be awake for more than a couple hours without needing a nap.

This second-first trimester has brought moderate exhaustion, extreme food aversion/strong cravings, and lots of impatience. I have not been sick. I am so grateful for this! But food aversion does feel eerily close to nausea and while I have not felt sick I have felt just generally unwell and unlike myself. I have been eating complete garbage. Honestly, I should just be eating out of a trash can. I have had strong aversions to most all food, with strong cravings each day for, usually, one specific food. A "food of the day", if you will. My "foods of the day" have included: mozzarella sticks, chips, taco bell, McDonald's cheeseburgers, french fries, ice cream, sauerkraut, cup-of-noodle and pepperoni. I have eaten so many cups of noodle. I have had general aversions to meat, vegetables, grains, and most everything else, too. At 10 weeks, my food aversions have begun to calm, though they are certainly still there. I am eating a bit more like a regular human being and less like a 13-year-old boy with no parents. Fingers crossed that in a couple more weeks I will be able to eat a vegetable again.

{I am wondering how much of a give away it was when, at a Brown family gathering, I ate something completely different for dinner than what everyone else was partaking in. I just couldn't bring myself to eat the delicious BBQ and broccoli salad (A meal I normally would've gobbled!).  As I sat eating my tamale, I thought "Is everyone at this table thinking I'm pregnant right now?" Also, at another Brown family gathering my completely wonderful mother-in-law served me a helping of perfectly cooked, delicious green beans and I couldn't eat more than two, but had many more on my plate. Kyle snuck them from my plate to his plate and I am wondering how many people recognized the exchange. Shrug! }

Pregnancy is exhausting, but I have found that I am not nearly as exhausted as I was with Ezra. I think this is because of Ezra! As a parent of a child who didn't sleep through the night until very recently, I was more acquainted going into a second pregnancy with what it felt like to be exhausted. So, pregnancy exhaustion wasn't such a difficult blow. I'm physically tired, don't get me wrong. But, I can handle it, unlike the first time around. Additionally, Ezra started to sleep through the night for the first time right as I got pregnant! So, pregnancy exhaustion hit while also getting a full night's sleep for the first time in forever! It balanced out. 

I mostly include the note about impatience this trimester because I feel so guilty for snapping at poor little Ezra as much as I have. Maybe I should take back what I just wrote about being able to "handle my exhaustion." I guess I should change that to say that while I don't need a nap every two hours, I am certainly more short tempered. Sigh. Fingers crossed good memories of nice mom outweigh sad memories of angry-snappy-pregnant mom *crying emoji.* There is a statistic out there in some psychology study, somewhere, that you need to have seven positive interactions to counter balance a single negative interaction. At the end of the day, I find myself doing a mental tally, wondering if the good outweighed the bad. It doesn't always! Some days are just hard days. But, I am trying.