Sleep Saga

9/16/2017--Night #1: The past three months have been hhaaaarrrrdddd in the nighttime department. I felt like we had tried everything and it just wasn't working. I prayed and prayed that Ezra would just start sleeping already!! I prayed that we would know what to do to help him. We went through peaks and valleys, some nights better, some nights worse. But, I hadn't yet been willing to just let him cry it out during the night time. We had let him cry when we were working on bedtime/naps, but not during the night. {Let the record reflect that he goes down to bed and naps easily, no fuss and has ever since we let him CIO.} You can read in the seven month post where I said I was just unwilling to do that because we shared a room and we need to sleep!!! Plus, it's so sad. I want to comfort my baby when he is hysterically crying. It is good to feel needed.

But then, literal hours after posting his seven month update, I had a moment of clarity. We had put him to bed at seven, like usual. At 10, he started to whimper and wake up. I went in and as I was nursing him I just had this readiness distill upon my soul! I laid him back down, walked out into the living room and said "Tonight's the night." Kyle, knowing exactly what I was referring to, said "Alright. What are we gonna do?" I went in and took him out of his swaddle. Swaddle retired. We cleared our living room floor and brought our mattress to the living room. I went to the store and bought earplugs. We shut both doors between our bedroom and the living room and turned on the oven vent fan--and we let him cry. *note: he was asleep and not actually crying when we went to sleep*

Maybe the answer to my months long prayers wasn't him magically sleeping through the night, but rather the Lord strengthened my resolve to be able to bear it. So last night was the first of our last ditch effort. If this doesn't work than I LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO TRY and will probably perish a sleep deprived shell of a person. Okay, that's a bit dramatic....

I can't tell you how last night went because my earplugs blocked out all the noise amazingly well. This does not mean I slept well ("IS MY BABY OKAY!?"), but I didn't hear a thing. Kyle got up to go in and give him his binky/check on him twice--once at about 1:30 and once at 4 am. I woke up and went back to check on him at 3 am. He was asleep during my check and asleep when we went to bed at 11:00. So, my best guess is that he slept from about 10:30-1:30, 2-4, 4-630 with wake up and cry intervals in between. I went in to get him at 7 am and he greeted me happy as always. He was not forlorn and did not act betrayed. He was hungry though! He also woke up with most of his voice gone. This had been happening over the last couple days so I don't think it was a result of crying away his voice, but what a sad thought :( He slept for 3.5 hours for his nap this morning. That tells me he definitely did not sleep as well or as much as normal, since his morning nap is normally 1.5-2 hours.

Thoughts so far: Ezra did so well un-swaddled! I think he was really ready for that. When he nurses/gets drowsy he reaches up and holds onto his hair/rubs his ears/scratches his head. As soon as I took his swaddle off (he was mostly asleep when I did this) he just reached his little hands up to his head. Let's see what night #2 brings.

9/17/2017--Night #2: Whew. Two nights down. So far, progress. Last night we kept the oven fan off and either of us heard him cry at all. Granted there is a room, hallway and two shut doors between us. He has also lost 70% of his voice so he might've cried and we just didn't hear him. Kyle set an alarm for 2 am to go check on him, in case he never woke up us crying. During the 2 am check he was snoozin' away. We put him to sleep at 6:45 pm and he woke up around 7:20 am. Again, I'm not sure he actually slept for all that time, but YAY!!!! Definite progress has been made, even if that progress is just the recognition by him "I don't need to eat at night" and me "I don't need to feed him at night" !!

In the morning Kyle said "I just don't want him to remember this and feel like we've abandoned him for the rest of his life." Is there any parent in the world who hasn't felt this way while leaving their firstborn alone all night!? Making parenting decisions is hard, mostly because you never really know  whether or not the decision you are making is the correct one. However, Kyle also said this morning "I haven't woken up so quickly on a Sunday morning in a long time. I turned my alarm off immediately and just got out of bed. 'Im so rested!" This is ridiculous, but writing that sentence made me feel a little emotional. I never realized how important sleep was and I just value it so much more now. I feel so genuinely happy when I hear others slept well. I want to hug and sincerely congratulate them. Graduations, weddings, baptisms, births of children and getting a good nights sleep are all part of my "I feel such genuine joy for you" list.

Thoughts: Pretty sure I could feed a village of infants after going 12 hours without nursing.

9/18/2017--Night #3: We put Ezra down at 7. We went to bed at 11 and left both doors between us and Ezra open. I woke up at 6:55 am to his little chirping squeals.  I mean, unless Kyle and I were both really really zonked out and couldn't hear Ezra crying for some reasons, I think we ALL slept through the night!! I haven't slept more than 4 hours at a time in MONTHS. Hopefully we have turned a corner and this wasn't just a fluke. I am feeling unbelievably grateful today.

Thoughts: I feel like a new woman! I got up and ate breakfast, went to the gym, came home and played with Z happily (not tired/grumpily) for a good while. I feel GREAT. 

9/22/2017--Ezra has slept through the night this whole week! *chorus of angels.* He has done so so well. We moved our bed back to our room on Monday night. We still swaddle during naps, but he goes un-swaddled at bed (you think it would be the opposite?) He has been waking up for the past few days at like 6/630 and wanting to eat, but also still being pretty sleepy. For example, he got up at 6:40 this morning and I got him out of his crib and brought him to our bed. I nursed him in bed and then he was just laying there cuddling and kicking his legs. Since it is 7 am, and I'm pretty much awake, I think "I'll take him out to the living room and let Kyle sleep a little bit." (Since Kyle is the one who wakes up with him everrrrrry morning) So I take him out to the living room and by 7:30 he is asleep on his play mat. I pick him up, he's awake now, and I go back to the bed and lay down cuddling with him. He's just snuggling and pulling at my hair, but clearly not going to go to sleep with me there. At this point, for some reason, I am like overcome with a wave of sleepiness. So, I leave him in the bed with sleeping Kyle and go out to the couch so catch a few more z's, Five minutes later I can hear him squealing, which means I can't sleep, and I go in, flop on the bed, and grumpily say "UGHHHH Just put him on the ground to play or something if he's awake!!" Kyle, responding to my out-of-nowhere-attitude says "I just woke up babe, but I will." to which I lament "I'm just so tired, why do babies make so much noise!?" I'm charming in the morning, if you can't tell. Kyle, graceful as ever, tells me to go back out to the couch and get some more sleep. I inform him that Ezra will be ready for a nap at 8:30 if he doesn't fall asleep before that and march to the living room. Kyle comes out to the living room and wakes me up at 9:30. Ezra went to sleep at 8:30 and slept until a little after 10. The point of my story is: He is sleeping through the night! YAYYYY! Now, we need to figure out mornings.....

Thoughts: I'm so grateful he is sleeping! Kyle and I are both learning though that our bodies are like "Ohhhhh, right, sleep, I remember this" and while we have gotten more sleep at night this week than in the last like 3 months combined, we are even more tired.